Girl or Boy: your chance to choose?

When my youngest son was 4 years old I had an unsettled feeling that something was missing from my otherwise lovely life. Someone was missing. After three boys I began to long for a daughter. Down to the library again to research choosing the sex of future offspring (there was no Google then OK). I found a wonderful little book entitled Girl or Boy: your chance to choose by Hazel Phillips and Tessa Hilton (available from Amazon for 1p). Apparantly, girl sperm are heavier than male sperm cos they have more genetic material, no surprises there then. This means that they swim slower than the boys and get to the egg three days after ovulation rather than on the day. I took my temperature every morning before getting out of bed and plotted it on a home made graph. To my surprise my temp went up by half a degree once a month, ovulation day! I did this for three months just to test the reliability and it was like clockwork, super. For a boy you have to take precautions for the first half of your cycle and make love on the day of ovulation and for the rest of the month without precautions. For a girl you don't take precautions for the first half of the cycle up to three days before ovulation, after this precautions should be taken. Easy peasy. Phillips and Hilton also advise a special diet, not so easy peasy. For a boy, if I remember right, you eat as normal with salt not restricted. For a girl you need a salt free diet, Euwww! For three months I made my own bread that only me would eat cos it was so yuk. I had to tell my work mates, the school dinner ladies, that I was on a diet and that was why I was eating blocks of concrete for my lunch. That school chocolate pudding with pink custard never looked sooooo good. After three months of trying I found myself pregnant, thank you Paul for all your hard work! Girl or boy, nine months has never gone so slowly.

Relax with deep breathing.

From comments made by friends and family it appears that not everyone can relax with my method of progressive muscle relaxation. I am therefore willing to research other means of getting relaxed for labour for these fuss pots.
Deep breathing is a method of relaxing that is most suited to people who usually find it very difficult to switch off and chill out. As well as having something physical to do, the mind is also occupied. It is a quick way to get stress levels into check before they spiral out of control. Can also be combined with other methods of relaxing such as aromatherapy and mood music.Deep breathing will get more oxygen into your system which will oxygenate your contracting uterus and help produce energy there more easily. This means that the uterus can contract more easily and so not produce the sensation of pain.

• Sit comfortably upright with your back supported.
• Breath in deeply through your nose. (Some of you may need to blow it first)
• Aim the breath at your abdomen rather than your chest, this is diaphramatic breathing.
• Exhale through your mouth, pushing out as much air as you can.
• Count slowly as you exhale so you have something simple to focus on.
• Try and empty your mind while breathing of everything except the movement of air going deep into your abdomen.

You need to practice deep breathing for at least 10 to 20 minutes a day to gain the most benefit. It may be a little difficult with a pregnant uterus pressing against your diaphram but should still be possible. This method of relaxing also massages the large bowel so problems of constipation often experienced in pregnancy can be relieved. And from a midwifery point of view, going into labour with a nice empty bowel is a big bonus, honest!

The Third

After a sweep at 39 weeks into my third pregnancy where if felt like the doctor was examining my tonsils while she was in there, I went into labour. I wasn't concerned or at all worried. My last labour had been pain free so this one should be a doddle. I did my relaxing techniques at home till the contractions were regular, there was no pain. I duly arrived at the hospital and explained to the midwife how I just wanted to sit in a chair and relax as I had done with my last labour. Oh no. She wanted to put me on a CTG monitor even though I was low risk, the NICE guidelines have since put an end to unnecessary CTG monitoring in labour. While on the monitor I kept trying to sit up and do my relaxing but the midwife kept pushing me back down. I tried to relax in a semi sitting position but it just did not work and I was in a lot of pain. I explained this to the midwife and she said I had to stay on the monitor, she was becoming a little tired of me moaning and eventually said "Do you want your baby to die?" That shut me up. However, at no time did anyone look worried, no doctor came in the room to look at my CTG. I think she was lying to shut me up. All I wanted to do was sit up and relax. Was that too much to ask? Eventually after a lot of unnecessary huffing and puffing, I gave birth to my third little boy. Before I could look at him he was taken away "for a bath" the midwife said. A support worker came in to clean me up and I asked about my baby, she looked worriedly at the door and said he would be brought back soon. Half an hour later he was pushed into the room in a cot and put into the farthest corner away from me. "The midwife said that he is not to be disturbed" I was told by the support worker and then she left. I stared at the little white bundle for a while. Every fibre in my body was aching to hold him but by this time I felt totally disempowered. With my stress levels at maximum I decided to risk all and ring the buzzer, the support worker came in. I asked to be handed my baby, she quickly gave him to me with a guilty look and then left without a word. I was finally able to look at my beautiful little boy and offer him his first breast feed. I did not skip home the next day. I was a victim of institutionalized torture and would carry the scars for the rest of my life. I decided then that if I ever had a fourth then I would never ever, ever attend a hospital for the birth again. The maternity services had totally lost my trust. It would have to be a home birth. All I had to do was to persuade all the other interested parties that it was a good idea. Game on.

The Second

After the trauma of my first birth I have to admit that I lied about the date of my last menstrual period when booking with my second. This was to buy me some time in case they wanted to induce me again - no way. I had researched natural births and had a pretty good idea how to make my second much more natural and hopefully less painful. I woke up with painful contractions at 01.00 Hrs. at term + 7 days. I went downstairs and started doing my relaxing as outlined in a previous post. To my amazement the contractions stopped hurting but still kept coming. I made my way to hospital alone, my husband was minding our first born. The labour ward was very busy with an emergency so I was assessed and left in my room. This suited me well cos I was able to sit in the padded chair and do my relaxing. The contractions did not hurt at all and I have never felt so relieved and happy. The midwife came back and told me that she did not think I was in labour as I was far too comfortable, but she wanted to check my cervix anyway before I went to the AN ward. I was fully dilated. She was amazed. I had no urge to push so she left me on the chair to relax. Half an hour later I wanted to push. It was a struggle as he was bigger than my first. I was put in a position I now know as McRoberts cos he was coming too slowly. The midwife passed a catheter to empty my bladder -OW - that was the most painful event of the whole labour. I eventually pushed out my gorgeous big baby boy and I felt elated, I had achieved exactly what I had set out to. A pain free labour (if you don't count the catheter). I could have skipped home the next day if I hadn't had a new born baby in my arms. I now knew that if I chose to have a third, I could look forward to a fabulous pain free labour. O dear Lord. How wrong can one person be?

Hypno Birthing

After just watching last weeks OBEM I had to look into this hypno birthing lark. It seems to be an American thing, You Tube have some very convincing clips. One of the docs in a clip said "They are not pains, they are contractions", music to my ears. However, you don't have to be hypnotised to have a pain free labour, my methods work just as well. Sandy, the young lady on OBEM, who was striving for a hypno birth made one fatal error. She did not remain upright. What, is there a water shortage in Southhampton, the birthing pool was only half full and Sandy had no choice but to lie down as she would have gotten cold otherwise. No wonder she was begging for a dose of Pethidine. When she was more upright I noticed that she coped a lot better. My method of relaxing is perhaps not as deep a state as hypno birthing, but as long as it reduces your adrenalin output, it will give you a pain free labour. As long as you remain upright. Plus, if I had my mum gripping my head, like Sandy had, whispering tosh into my ear as well as having to listen to bad Chinese restaurant music, then there is no way I would have remained relaxed. I would have pulled her into the pool to shut her up and run off screaming just to get some peace. The hypno birthers have nearly got it right. Relaxation is the key but staying upright so that the uterus is not working against gravity is an important factor. Now then, for anyone out there who is related to me - you are feeling very sleepy, you will send me lots of pressys and cards for my birthday next month, OK, you can wake up now. He He He.

The First

My first pregnancy ended, as many firsts do, with high blood pressure leading to induction of labour (IOL). I did not need a prostin pessary as they were able to break my waters and I was started on an oxytocic drip. From that moment on my whole world changed as I was brutally introduced to extreme and unrelenting pain. As a defensive mechanism I curled up into a fetal ball and escaped into the apparent safety of my own mind, hiding there away from the trauma being inflicted on my pregnant body. At one stage I remember opening my eyes to peep outside my refuge to see my husband eating the packed lunch that he had brought with him. As I watched him munching on his tuna sandwiches I marvelled at how the world was able to carry on turning unperturbed in my hour of need. I decided that it was safer inside as the pain was still there so I closed my eyes and went away. Not long after this I felt a sharper pain in my leg and found the midwife injecting me with something. I never did find out what it was, pethidine perhaps? It was amazing how during the 1980s you could be given any treatment without your consent. My concept of the world became fuzzy after that as I settled into an even deeper catatonic state. I surprised everyone then by proceeding to push my baby out in record time resulting in bi lateral 2nd degree tears that took an hour to suture. But I had done it. I had survived. My reward was a beautiful little boy who I fell instantly in love with. After this trauma I set out to find another way to labour. There was no way I would ever allow myself to be tortured during childbirth again. My findings led me to discovering the hidden truth, labour contractions are not meant to cause pain. I vowed that my second labour would be different, and it was.

Staying upright

One of the most important steps toward a pain free labour is to stay upright. Don't worry, it doesn't mean that you have to stand up for hours on end. Sitting in a comfortable chair or firm couch will do. You can also kneel on the floor leaning forward on a chair or bean bag, this helps with an OP position (baby has his back to your back instead of to your front). The reason that you must remain upright is that if you lie down then your uterus is working against gravity and the contractions have to get stronger and so start to cause pain. You will have to lie down for a vaginal examination (VE) by your midwife to find out if you are in labour or not. This position should not be held for long and as soon as the examination is over then you should get upright again. If you have to be put on a CTG machine to obtain a print out of baby's heartbeat then you do NOT have to stay on the bed, you can still sit on a chair or birthing ball to labour, let the midwife worry about the trace. Remember, this is your birth, you are in charge.